“Where do we begin with this delicate
subject of color and racism within a race --
I call it intra-racial profiling – and how
it affects our decisions about all
relationships, including how we choose our
partners? We must first stop judging each
other based on the color of our skin...
These color distinctions are damaging our
children, our people. As a dark-skinned
male, I occasionally still have to deal with
this sensitive topic myself. As a young man,
I was scarred by the senseless jokes born
out of stereotypes based on the shade of my
skin.
Through each of the men’s interviews
featured in this book, I grew and began to
understand and heal. I became more empowered
by the pride I have in my skin color. I want
our children, regardless of their skin tone
or racial makeup, to feel that same
empowerment and pride.”
Curtis Benjamin had a stroke of genius when
he decided to make
discrimination among African-Americans based
on skin color the subject of the second in
his Saving Our Daughters series of books.
It’s an issue deserving of serious
consideration. Like the author, when I
reflect upon my childhood, I can’t help but
recall how my friends and I gave each other
cruel, often color-coded nicknames which had
to do with your physical appearance.
Subconsciously, we were so heavily
influenced by TV that the kid with no neck
was called “Head and Shoulders” like the
shampoo, while a brown-hued pal was referred
to as “Yuban,” because of a popular
commercial promoting a “deep, dark,
delicious” brand of coffee. Personally, I
was saddled with the moniker “Kraut” since
my red hair reminded my buddies of the
German soldiers in WWII movies. Back then,
everybody had to have a thick skin, whatever
its shade, otherwise the teasing would
escalate into playing the dozens.
In retrospect, it’s easier to
excuse such thoughtless behavior among
youngsters than the deliberate
mean-spiritedness which I would subsequently
encounter during my college career. For
instance, I’ll never forget the time I
attended a party thrown by a black fraternal
organization to which only light-skinned
sisters were invited. That was my
introduction to a pernicious form of
self-hatred which I was expecting to be
addressed by Saving Our Daughters, Volume 2.
Unfortunately, something must
have transpired between Mr. Benjamin’s
coming up with his brilliant idea and its
execution, for his book devotes precious
little attention to the question of
black-on-black racism. So, what happened? My
guess is that the author is the very
creative type, given the unusual price of
his book, $22.97, and his calling his
Introduction an Opening Monologue.
The content of Saving Our Daughters is
worthwhile reading, the only problem is that
anyone buying it is likely to feel like the
victim of a bait-and switch scam. For its
pages actually address an array of different
topics. First, there are interviews about
raising daughters conducted by Benjamin with
celebrities like Bris Kodjoe, Idris Elba and
Columbus Short. And while these revealing
tete-a-tetes might touch on the main theme,
by no means is that the only one.
Secondly, the opus includes lots of letters
sent in by people with personal problems,
each of which is answered by some sound
advice from Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, a
psychologist in private practice in Long
Branch, NJ. Again, I have no quarrel with
the quality of what the shrink has to say,
but it’s bizarre when the book cover
specifically claims to be “From a Man’s
Point of View.”
In fact, in a section entitled Intermission,
plenty of female celebrities weigh-in with
pearls of wisdom, and the author has the
good sense to accompany each of these
beauty’s entry with an attractive, full-page
color photo. Among the contributors there
are Keshia Knight Pulliam, Sanaa Lathan,
Taraji P. Henson, Keke Pamer and Nia Long,
to name a few.
That chapter closes with empty worksheets
for the reader to fill-in after pondering a
question posed at the top of each page, such
as: “If I am attracted to the opposite race,
am I selling out my heritage?” or “If my
daughter is involved in an interracial
relationship and I don’t agree with whom
they are dating, should I interfere?” or “My
mother has been hurt by black men so many
times that now she chooses to date outside
her race. Should that concern me?” or
“Should I continue to be friends with girls
that made me feel less attractive because of
my skin tone?”
A faith-based potpourri of sage insights
which would have benefited immeasurably from
a good editor capable of forcing the author
to narrow his focus down to his stated
agenda.